This is your time

As cliche as it always is for everyone to say the things that are said. There may just be validity to them. I remember at 17, when in 24 hours I found out my dad had a Tumor, my brother and best friend died in Iraq, my high school sweetheart got pregnant, the school told me graduating was impossible and the roof collapsed in our house and killed the fish. Now fast forward to this week... 

I got to lose everything to gain it, I found myself, found my purpose, found what I will do with my life as far as my career, I found the right company to work, I found the perfect girl, well she found me, and she may or may not be my soul mate, ill go day by day, I am leaving the old life behind and blazing ahead in this new one... Giddy, it feels like today... It feels like my stars aligned, it feels like luck is on my side.  It feels like karmic retribution, it feels like God is blessing me beyond my wildest dreams and I feel immense peace through out this process. It's time to professionally make the biggest run at life I have ever made in my life. Time to set this world on fire. 

Robert Frost said "I took the road less traveled and it made all the difference." I was just faced with that very same decision, and I chose the road less traveled, I decided not to follow the crowd. They say "if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." So as it stands I made some major changes, I have heard a great deal of negative things said, then people whom I thought were friends turn on you and when the smoke settles, you realize you made a good decision and what lies ahead is the future and it looks bright. 

Quotes are such powerful teachers. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." Now as I grow up, I look at partnership a bit differently. I cannot wait till I marry my eternal companion and start making babies, the "why" I have been chasing all this time turns out to be here now. I just had to choose that path, since I have been so indecisive as to what I wanted and who I wanted to become, God made it challenging for me so I would stumble on it. I almost lost my daughter, I almost lost my home, I lost my business, I did lose my income a couple times, I lost all my distributors, I lost my front, facade and ego, I lost myself in the process, I found myself through God, I was blessed with everything I could ever want and I feel peace. :) I am happier than I have ever been, I am on the right path, it's a little scary starting over, but it feels so right. 

For over a month I kept asking myself. "Kevin, who do you want to become?" I looked at my surroundings, you become the people around you, the people you spend the most time with. I took a hard look at the lives of everyone and who they were when they thought no one was watching, who they were behind peoples backs, who they were to the people they love and who they were to themselves and I asked myself; Do I want to be like them. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, socially. I couldn't say that I would want to be that.

So, when I really took a hard look at everything, I realized that I needed to make some big changes, I needed to go against the grain in order to grow once more. At one point in my life I would've said yes to all of that. But it was time to make big changes. No was the answer, They say if you're the most capable person in the room, you need to find a new room, I was searching for a new room, I needed growth, if you're not growing, you're dying, my dreams were nearly dead, I did not think they were even possible on the path I was on, waiting around for something to happen is like slowly dying. 

Time will either promote you or expose you, and History has a way of repeating itself. God blessed me with more than i could ever ask for by making the right choice, although it was a hard one, it was worth it. i think its funny how when you align with your desires, live true to who you want to become and put yourself on the path that'll get you closer to your "why" your dreams and your deepest desires, they just show up. :) 

The next phase is here... This is YOUR time! 

I saw a Unicorn!

I never sleep anymore... I'm living on dreams and caffeine by day. But my emotional productivity is through the roof at night. I love life this way. I don't pop on social media as often, I'm usually lost in a book or in life somewhere doing something with someone or invariably on the phone. This life we have is so short. I've been running an emotional marathon I swear, in some facet or another. I have just learned so many heavy life lessons in such a short time. Be it through love, relationships, exes, legal battles, business dealings, band members, coworkers, friends and every experience imaginable, but regardless of the teacher there's so much to be grateful for. EVERY PERSON in my life is there to teach me unconditional love in some capacity whether it's them to me or me to them. I may as well learn the lesson the first time instead of being doomed to repeat the same pattern. Everyone is a mirror of ourselves, we see our traits both good and bad in them, that determines whether we like them or not, then we try to wipe the mirror to get the stains off our face that may be on there. When what we really need to do is to wipe off our faces and get back at it.

I recently had some crazy business events that really showed me who people really are. There were a lot of life lessons and the chips fell where they needed to and in the end there were so many lessons to learn and so much to gather from it that I am left with gratitude for it all. The growth has been truly tremendous for everyone. We are all on the cusp of something incredible. I can feel it in my chest :) 

As for love and romance, well... The Lessons i am learning are tremendous. I am watching everyone around me get married, I have felt cursed for the last few years like I am good luck chuck or something, except emotionally, lol the irony is my dad's name is chuck, it's of no consequence to me when God draws her to me, I know he will, it truly is the deepest desire in my heart, so It'll happen in God's timing but boy do I love being blown away by a lovely girl, but every once in a while... You are stopped dead in your tracks by a unicorn...

We don't ever think it's possible in real life for a girl to truly have EVERYTHING on your list, but yet one day lo and behold she is standing there... And you are stunned and blown away and you're like... "Don't move... Quick, get your camera, don't scare it, you have to get a picture... There's a unicorn!" 

That's the most beautiful experience in life that I know of besides getting baptized or going to the temple, to think that someone could be so perfect, you are shocked, THIS IS a unicorn. Some people see a unicorn once in their life, some people marry the unicorn, these are the fairy tales people are still talking about today from many years ago, whatever the outcome it's a beautiful thing to know that unicorns are real and it is moments like this that truly raise the bar. 

Time to grow some more. I feel good. I am so grateful I have had the opportunity to experience the things I have experienced in these 27 years of life and I am blessed to be alive. :) 

I hope you all have a good day today!  Thanks for stopping by :) 

Ps: I think i sprained my soul this week! And I saw a unicorn! They really are as beautiful as you think they are :) 

Integrity

Sorry if I get preachy, emotional or otherwise, I have had a rough few days.

I was just in the shower and pondering a couple things and I feel impressed to share them with my blog and the 13 people that follow it. how to assimilate my thoughts in a cohesive message can be a challenge. I don't expect people to read through this, it's more for me. Call it a journal entry this evening.

I am 27, I have just gone through the ringer these past few weeks, I cannot tell you how I feel accurately. But grateful is what keeps coming to mind. This has been a trial. It is so funny to see
people that you call friends or consider family that you sacrifice an incredible amount of time, emotional energy and other resources to help them and with one or two conversations they can be against you, not for you, or ultimately everything that previously happened in null and void, it's funny how we give so much and expect all sorts of things, like trust, devotion, friendship, honesty or loyalty, and at the end of the day people will act in what is best for their own personal interests and that is how it is supposed to be. Sure it is nature, but what happened to honor?

The experiences I have recently gone through were all put here for me so that I may learn unconditional love, as emotional as I have been and hurt and what not, I am grateful for these things, it has made me introspect.  I never realized how corrupt people are, the greed that is around us, the enmity and the self serving interests of people, there is scarcity and fear every where, I tend to not notice these things and I see the good in most situations, but wow...

In the past few weeks I have seen dishonesty, lying, lack of integrity, manipulation, controlling power trips, backstabbing, deceit, lack of honor, lack of moral character and it has been demoralizing, to see people you have known a long time show their true colors. That can really hurt. I haven't ever really been this disappointed in my entire life. The moral degredation of human kind is all around us and I never saw it coming, I know that I'll trust again, I won't punish new situations with old results.

There is a quote I truly love... "When someone shows you who they are.... BELIEVE THEM."

For me, this decision has been one of the toughest decisions I have ever had to make in my entire life. Do you choose what is right for you? Do you choose what is right for the people you are loyal to? Do you stand up for what you know in your heart of hearts is right?  Do you speak up? Do you keep quiet? Do you let the world know? Do you be the bigger person? Do you go to war? Do you go to work? Do you go to college?

The road ahead is an interesting one. I have lost faith in people, I don't know who I trust. Funny, I have never had so much faith in God in my entire life as I do right now, in this moment as I type these words. This world will let you down, the people in it will let you down. God has never let me down, God is my refuge. I don't understand how people can live without a higher power... If you don't believe in God, talk to whatever higher power you choose, it could be a purple icecream cone for all I know, it's not my place to make that call, although it doesn't matter, something is better than nothing. I have a choice. Choose to follow people in one direction or another, I will become them. It is inevitable. Do I desire to be these people? Do I want their lives? Do I want their values? Do I want to be like them? I have always said, NEVER take advice from someone you wouldn't trade places with. I believe in this! All advice is autobiographical

Situations like this one I have been facing really make you soul search, I have arrived at a powerful conclusion... I don't want to be like anyone else. I don't really like anyone else enough to want to be them. I have no heroes, I want to be me! The best version of myself I possibly can be. I want to be the passionately curious birthday guy that asks lots of questions because he seeks understanding before being understood, the guy that connects deeply to every human being he encounters, the guy that raps and plays guitar and sings, the guy that gives his everything to his daughter, his family and every person he comes into contact with. I may have imperfections and people may point out things I do wrong or don't do, I am where I am and working towards becoming a better me. But I truly love who I am and why I am this way. There is no one I would rather be. I am imperfect. But I am me. I love people with all that I am, I am proud of myself for that, I truly care for everyone, I am empathetic, sensitive, thoughtful, kind, passionate, happy, moody, romantic and intense. I am genuine, I speak my heart, I tell the truth, I do my best in this life to live with integrity and honor and I stand up for what I believe in, no matter the cost. I feel as though I have been a follower put in a leadership position, it is time to change that. How can one be a follower when there is no one to follow, we walk our own path in this life.

I am hurt, deeply hurt, I feel like I have post traumatic stress from these past couple weeks, it is time to put everything behind me and move ahead in life. My brother David used to say "Without your word, you are not a man." I have had a very eye opening few weeks.

Integrity is everything.

Take a hard look at your self, Who are you? Who do you take advice from? Who do you surround yourself with?  Who are you becoming?

 

Relationship Rant

So I have been pondering a great deal lately about relationships. I have so much swimming around in this cute brain of mine. I must share...

It's funny how I am with relationships, I have a semi-prolific and fantastical, "cute" brain, as it were, and it goes off into every detail and every rabbit hole and takes everything to end game. So when I meet someone, I tend to experience everything in my head and I leave little to nothing to present day reality.  Let's peel it back though and analyze everything... Maybe I am not crazy... Although you may think otherwise if you keep reading.

I used to have 7 Relationship Rules in which to live by but that was short lived, I am a chronic recidivist, justifier and rule breaking extraordinaire. I started buying books on people, dating, relationships, love, romance, etc. You see, all my life I have wanted to find my one true love, the soul mate, the woman I would marry and be with forever :) I've wanted to be a husband and a father. I haven't had desires beyond that. I still don't. Honestly, everything I do is filler till "She" and I are united.  I took in upon myself in the mean time to begin a journey into understanding people, reading social cues, facial geography, facial expressions and various types of reactions, eye movements, body language, tonality, NLP, personology, astrology, MBTI, the color code, archetypes, basic psychology, coping mechanisms, belief patterns, behaviors, personality types, temperaments, love languages and the list goes on and on, so that I could be a good husband and know how to understand her when the time came, that way, I could fulfill her needs interpersonally and she would feel loved. Studying all of this has helped so many people, it is powerful to think that she has had that much of an impact on all of these people all of this time yet we haven't met yet, or maybe we have, only God knows that. What a trip :) My good friend Payton always said "I did it for you." Now that he has "Her" it makes so much sense. He did. I am doing it all for her. She is effecting countless lives and doesn't even realize it. She is my muse and a totally special girl.

Relationships are fascinating, I was reading something earlier that I was reminded of that talked about the phases of relationships. What I find fascinating isn't so much the phases but the pillars. As far as phases go...

Phase 1. Infatuation... You're getting to know each other and you're hypnotized. This phase is fun!
Phase 2. Then it wears off... You are left with the person... This is where people bail...
Phase 3. The break up... Whether communicated properly, froze out, friend zoned, or cheated on, it ends.




I want to explain a concept I learned recently.

There are 7 pillars to a relationship, I have seen so many of my peers and people around me forge relationships on the weakest of pillars and watched their relationships crumble again and again. They all look different for different people but there really are 7 and here they are:

1. Spirituality: These are your beliefs in the deep things of life, for some it is God, Karma, Energy, Positivity, Love, gratitude, these are your core beliefs, this has absolutely NOTHING to do with religion. Examples: Being a Vegan because of your belief that killing Animals is wrong, believing in being selfless, being a kind person. Etc. These are your core beliefs and what you stand for. Being Christ like and believing in God.

2. Family: This is two-fold, your current family and their lifestyle and dynamic, and the family that you want to create, examples: Like if you are wrongfully opposed to having children, or if you want a lot of kids, or if you believe in adopting children, what you see your family like with your in-laws and present family and how your families mesh.

3. Friendship: This is the friendship that you have with your significant other, like how they are conversationally, on trips, late at night, early in the morning, the level of friendship connection you are able to establish with your partner and what that is like. This has a lot to do with how you click, sense of humor, communication, conflict resolution, time shared etc

4. Intimacy: This is a broader one, these are the tender intimate moments you share with your partner, whether it is in prayer, spiritual matters, or physical in affection, or massage, or cuddling, kissing etc, or in the vulnerable moments, when you are alone, how you two can relate and connect. This is intimacy, can you just stare at there eyes for 30 seconds, say nothing and be completely present? That is a wonderful test of intimacy. (Soul Gazing)

5. Health/Fitness/Nutrition: This is your lifestyle in a sense, it says how you feel about yourself physically and how you carry yourself in that manner, your major beliefs on this topic. Examples: You are strongly in favor of eating clean and working out, or you are a runner, you feel that is important, being with someone that is a couch potato that has poor eating habits won't work.

6. Career: This one is a big deal, this isn't just like your job, this is how you make your mark on the world, religion fits into this category, social accomplishments fit into this, Looks totally fit into this, goals, mindset, education, work ethic, direction, whether they be a "Conventionalist" or an Entrepreneur, a risk taker or more conservative, this is their image, what they aspire to be, the titles that define them. How someone looks with you and how it makes you look, what people will think of a significant other and how that'll be view in your life is social standings. That's career.

7. Interests/Hobbies: This is self explanatory, if you're into sports or opera, if you enjoy the guitar or white water rafting, hunting or video games, this is going to carry over lifestyle a great deal. If your family is into Nascar and your significant other is into Nascar, you undoubtedly will be into Nascar as well. When you marry someone, you don't just marry them, you marry their family and with that... You inherit their lifestyle and hobbies and interests.

-------------------------
Now that you have a basic idea of the 7 pillars. You rate them on which are most important to you and how that looks, feels or sounds to you. We are all different and will have different answers. I wrote them above in the order of importance for me. What is important to me, may not be important to the person I am dating at any given time.

I have a friend named Mike and he recently got into a relationship, he is early 20's and he likes this girl because they have so much in common, she's pretty and he likes kissing her...

Lets break it down... This is built on

Interests/Hobbies, Career and Intimacy. So IF they married, 20 years later, what do they have!?

I had a friend named Crystal that had an amazing friendship with spiritual backing, the intimacy was wild although they never got physical it was on a verbal and emotional level, they were aligned in family. That'd be a great basis for a relationship...

--------------------The Caveat--------------

What pillars are important to you, aren't always important to your partner.  While Crystal has: Spiritual, Intimacy, Friendship and Family. The guy she's with is more into hobbies, interests, career and intimacy, so for him, one pillar hits and what's important to him isn't being met.

It's so much like love languages, we all have an idea of which ones we are, whether it be:

1. Words of Affirmation: Compliments, verbal acknowledgement, praise, saying thank you, giving detail to an accomplishment, etc, these words make a person feel loved and it will build their confidence and self esteem and make them feel loved

2. Quality Time: This comes by way of doing things together, whether a walk, a hike, something together, turn off the TV and discard the phone and be present, this will make them feel loved

3. Physical Touch: Sometimes all it takes is a hug, a pat on the back, the touch of the arm, hold hands, a scratch on the back, the physical touch person CRAVES loves through touch, they'll feel unwanted if they aren't touched regularly.

4. Acts of Service: Vacuuming or putting something away, going out of your way to do something out of love, whether it is cleaning up the kitchen or taking the time to prepare a meal for that person, or sewing some pants with a smile on your face ;) this is all demonstrative. "Actions Speak Louder than Words."

5. Gifts: Usually they don't have to be expensive gifts, "It's the thought that counts." To be thought of and gone out of the way for makes them feel loved. Giving gifts whether it's flowers or card, to be thought of makes these people feel loved.

But do we know what our partner's is? Now go deeper, through which love language do you give love, and which do you receive love?

Let's say that you are Words of Affirmation and your partner is Physical touch in how you receive love, but they give love through gifts. While you're giving them back gifts thinking that's how they are wanting love, they really want physical touch. So the result is that they feel unwanted and the gifts don't do anything for you because you receive love through Words of Affirmation.

I have made it a quest to master giving and receiving love through all 5 of them. I am learning how to love all over again. It is such a challenge! So not only do you have to link up at least 4 of 7 of the Pillars you value most, you have to make sure your partner's all line up too, then you figure out your primary and secondary love languages and how you give and receive those and then you find the same out of your partner and then communicate that with them so you both learn to love each other all over again.

If that wasn't all too much, there are some things that are worth looking into and considering.

1. Don't Make someone a priority if they only make you an option. This can be checked by matching their energy, or pulling back and seeing if you were the one always doing the work to hang out, to talk to them etc, look at your calls or texts, if you are always the one reaching out, and there is little to no reciprocation there is a good chance that you are an option. You deserve someone who would jump fences to be with you, not someone who is on the fence about being with you.

2. Friend Zone: If you are put in the friend zone, there is a very likely chance that the person that put you there cannot handle you on account of they're either too insecure to handle you, not interested, have no idea what they want and want to play or they don't realize what they could have had. Either way, be with someone who knows exactly what they have, not someone that will realize it when they've lost you.

3. Does this person have a Positive relationship with their opposite sex parent. Look at how a son treats his mother, that is what you can expect to be treated like, look at girls that have major daddy issues, they spend their whole lives throwing themselves at guys and drawing unnecessary physical attention to themselves because they're seeking that love and approval from their father that they never had. Worst part of that is, if they haven't ever had a positive relationship with a man or woman in their life, how can they ever have one with you? There is no frame of reference and nothing to model after unless they have that relationship with their heavenly father.

4. Does this person bring you up, or down. Truthfully, we are who we surround ourselves with, there's no wonder that our income is an average of the 5 people we spend the most time around. Choose wisely in a spouse, do they enhance you, help you grow in the 6 aspects of life Spiritually, Emotionally, Intellectually, Physically, Financially, and Socially? It is said that a "True Friend," is someone that knows who you are and holds you accountable to a higher standard and constantly helps you grow into your best self. You need this in a partner.

5. How can you love someone else if you don't love yourself? You truly cannot. You must have your oxygen mask on first before you can help others put theirs on, if you are trying to go to a relationship to get what you don't have already, then you missed the point and proved it anyway, and you are most likely codependent, I am LDS, my faith is based on 2 commandments, "Love the lord your God with all your heart, mind, might and strength." & "Love thy neighbor as thy self."  I have found that it is through God, and only God that we can come to love ourselves, then we have the capacity to love others. Otherwise it's like two starving people fighting over a piece of bread. A relationship is a place we go to give, not to get anything. It's to magnify the human experience.

6. You ARE worthy of love, and you completely deserve it: If God made us all imperfect, and God doesn't make mistakes then you are exactly the way you are supposed to be, exactly where you are supposed to be and how, and your life is unfolding perfectly the way it was supposed to, both the good and bad times. So if you believe that to be true, then to not love yourself or anything about yourself is like telling God that he made a mistake and that's downright blasphemous. Furthermore, if you give 100% of all that you have to a relationship and you truly do the best that you are capable of doing, how could you possibly give more than you have?! THAT is your personal best, that's all you are capable of, if you are working at your relationship, fully committed... Don't you deserve the same thing in return?

If we both initially agreed to invest $50,000 into a property and at the closing I only brought $10,000 you wouldn't let me get away with that, you'd make me get the other $40,000.  So why do we put up with that with relationships?

With relationships, I feel that there is no perfect formula, we do the best we can, love is a choice, a decision... I love the word decide... In Latin it means to Kill off/cut off other options. If you are aligned with the same values, you communicate, have goals together and work at it and commit to loving each other no matter what, well that's the recipe for a good match. However... Your odds of finding "The One," Are 1 in 6.5 Billion people. This takes faith, if you can have faith in that, then believing in God should be easy. I believe that my lady's heart is so rooted in God that I get to seek him to be given her. :) Awww that made me smile all big right there and giggle.

What I love about my faith is that there is a beautiful concept of the perfect love triangle that shows as a husband and wife grow closer to God, they grow closer to each other through the relationship. That is beautiful. I feel like Adam, just hanging around the garden, getting a little tired. My heart yearns for my eternal companion, not from a place on loneliness or codependency but from a deep longing for my deepest desire. I am picky and quick to find all the reasons why it won't work out but I am getting better at not doing that on a daily basis and I am proud of myself for that. I have the faith and hope that I can go all in when it happens, however I have major trust issues, I won't settle for less than I deserve. There is peace in knowing that God has this perfect plan for me and I am following it and it will align as it is supposed to.

So for those of you that read this and are in a relationship, I challenge you to go through and assess your relationship, soul gaze a bit, love that person the way that they need to be loved and understand what you have your hands on exactly. Then work to make it better.

If you are not in a relationship and want to be in one, I want to end this blog with some of the best advice I have ever received in regards to dating, I will quote my good friend, Colby Jones. "Don't put as much thought and energy into dating, just make right decisions, live your life properly and let heavenly father unite you & your companion. It will happen the way it's supposed to. Don't worry. I love you."

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The Next Phase

Here it comes!!!

I can hardly wait, the next phase is happening, the metamorphosis begins...

It is time to transition from a fully grown child at 27, into a married, international business man, real estate investor, homeowner, father complete with all the accouterments, the responsibilites, the callings, the nonprofits, the positions, the Davis county home, the mountain home/lake house in mountain green, the toys (The Alpina B7, the track cars, The Lifted Dodge Truck and The Mastercraft, The Quads, Dirt Bikes, The Jet Skis and Recording Studio)  and the chick...

The chick... Well well well, I think about her daily, she's my dreamboat. This idea that has been in my head for 27 years has haunted my every thought, I am a romantic. I have fantasized about marriage and family since I was little, and for the first time in my life I am at peace with the idea of her, moreover, I am convinced that it'll happen when it's supposed to. THAT is so NOT something I would think or say, that amazes me that that is where I am.  If I am being completely open and honest with myself and with the world, at my core, the deepest level of who I am, I am completely at peace with myself. I would be completely fine being alone forever, I haven't ever been here before. I am handling all this past baggage well, karmic retribution has hit, and I feel as though I am going backwards in my life's experiences, facing emotionally transmitted diseases that were created from different experiences and I am growing from them and learning the lessons that they have to offer, and doing this fast, preparing me for my next phase of life. My life has a liberating sense of completion.

Just last week some friends played a joke on me and made me think I was going to die in a car accident, I was at peace and excited for it when I thought it was happening.  That recent experience has stayed with me for the past week, to be okay and welcoming death, from a place of abundance and completion as though I have done everything I could, at my personal best. I feel as though I have given my life, my all. There is so much peace in that. I am emotionally in a filled up space, it's a weird place to me, on a daily basis I cry at least twice. Like not sadness or depression or something empathetic. But like an overjoyed feeling of overwhelming gratitude for the love that I feel from my creator for being able to experience this life another few hours, another moment, another day. It's overwhelming. On average twice a day. I just want others to feel this. It's uncanny and hard to explain how it feels. When I get alone and am all by myself, like in the shower, the bath, the bathroom or bedtime, these emotions envelop me. I feel so happy.

I have always felt like I needed someone, a significant other of sorts. It's cool, I'm like that codependent guy that I always shake my head at cause he is always in some relationship, well that used to be me and emotionally still was till this past year. I am ruined in dating nowadays because for me to give up my precious "Kevin Time" she must be pretty special, I haven't yet found a girl that blows me away, the last few girls that were like that weren't it, or I was friend-zoned for one reason or another. I will completely give "The girl" Everything I am, and I will work hard to be the man that she cannot live without and I will treat her the way she truly deserves to be treated. I am looking at the primary relationship with "The Girl" to be a place that I go to give and to enjoy my life with. Well you can see the conundrum, I LOVE MY LIFE, I am full, I can give for days, and I don't really need anything from her. So what I am trying to say is... She better be pretty cool!!!  I feel as though she is coming soon, I always hear things like "When you stop looking, then she finds you." Or, "When you least expect it." and all those other cliche things, I feel like now that I don't want it and I am totally beyond good with myself and with God, that it'll be soon. You'd think I'd be all excited about that... Well for the first time in my life I am not excited about it. I love the phase I am in. Things are moving forward fast. I will never be in this place again and I will enjoy every minute of it. :) I am so happy!!! I remember how I was with dogs, all my boyhood I attempted to convince my parents to allow me to have a dog... I never got one. I grew up to not be a dog person, I question if this is what is happening with me and women. Halli wanted has wanted a puppy since she could talk and it has been a journey to like dogs, I see my dog Lilee want this bunny that she humps, the moment it is available to her she jumps on it, literally, it almost makes me uncomfortable. Once it is there beyond the initial mounting, she isn't interested, the moment I take that bunny away, she chases it. She will do this repeatedly for days on end. She is a female and plays female games, it is her nature.

Girls play games, I don't believe in playing games, but to say that I am not guilty of playing games would make me a liar. Hahaha! I don't even realize I am playing games half the time. I am bad that way! Hahaha! That's what 13 years of getting put in the friend zone will do to you. Unconscious game playing. Which is ironic because the friend zone was created by girls, then you have to play their games to not end up in the friend zone, which brands you as a player, the true way to attract a girl is to not be interested, they can intuitively tell when you aren't interested and they're interested. It's all such a hassle and a headache that it makes dating so unappealing, I hear girls (when confronted with this topic) say all the time "Oh, I don't play games." Um... Sorry honey... Girls play games... Look at the garden of Eden... Girls have been playing games since back in the day, it's their nature. :) Nice guys finish happy, successful, fulfilled, grateful and overjoyed, and there is peace in that. :D

Knowing that "The girl" is not anyone in my life as of today and that there are no possible candidates at this present moment makes me so giddy and relieved. That added mystery and surprise to everything. Now there is this ominous and somewhat impending commitment looming in the future that I see as an excited, love-filled form of inevitability and fate, I am not being a cynic or a pessimist, a misogynist or jaded, don't get me wrong, I am excited for "The chick," I will exceed EVERY expectation she has for an eternal companion, but as for right now, I am good on it and enjoying now. It'll happen when it does. To see how this next phase unravels in this department will be beautiful. It'll be so cool looking back on this phase :) This is exciting!

As for the other parts of life, I am pushing through school and I have a precise plan in place and my bases covered and I am working voraciously towards those goals. I will be moving into a new house, significantly increasing income, making a career change, taking my business up to a higher rank and level, investing into a couple different things, finishing school, simplifying my life, overhead and liabilities, reading more books, listening to more audios, and improving at all the important things. This next phase has begun... "The Chick" looms in the horizon with a question mark... I will hope, wish, and pray for her to come sometime in 2016 but I feel as though I am not THAT lucky.

Who am I!?!?! Where did my friend Kevin go?! Hahaha! He's in the bath, or playing guitar or freestyling :)

February has been quite a month already!!! It's the 5th!

Today was such a great day! It's time to get ready to go to California tomorrow. I have so much to wrap up here in Utah. The start of my 60 day transformation has begun, I weigh 170.5lbs, and I am at 13% bodyfat. My goal is to get to 178lbs with 8% body fat. I did a weigh in video, check it out! Time for clean eating and crazy work outs, tons of online classes to try and wrap up real estate school, plenty of reading, I am reading the greatest and most inspiring book right now, it moves me on every level of my being, so many goals!!! I am meeting so many cool new people, I have celebrated some of the greatest birthdays this month so far, so much growth! In ALL aspects, so many cool realizations!!! SOOOO much Guitar! I am in love with that instrument! I am not good yet but I love it soooooo much, I did a video of rapping with guitar, it's weird, kinda my new thing check it out if you want to!!! Give me some feedback, I am a little insecure about the guitar. I love the rapping though. :)

These next few weeks are very important, some major life decisions are in process of being made and my goals are being realized rapidly, making more money than I have ever made in my life is merely months away! THAT to me is exciting! Getting more ripped is also on the docket and so fun to do everyday! There is spiritually ripped, emotionally and mentally ripped, financially and socially ripped, I am redefining myself daily in my notebook and calibrating things more finely and reassessing my performance nightly, I am becoming my best self with God's help. Soon I will start dating, I want to be a boyfriend sometime here in the near future. I feel like I am ready for that step, I know what I deserve and what I will give and so my sights are set high, my bar is set high, I will treat others the way I want to be treated in all aspects of life and do my best to love others more, and be the guy that my future girl deserves.

I will travel, it's time to take some fun trips with Halli, we have memories to make before a step mom comes into our picture! We have more to do every day. There's just enough time in the day for all the important things that we get to do. Like nap time! That was cute. Priorities are in the right places. The present moment is perfect, It is such a gift to be living right here, right now, we have so much to be grateful for, I am especially grateful for the examples in my life, I learn so much every day by observing and asking questions. I am so grateful for my eyesight, and my life, my health, my family and friendships, being LDS, and being able to experience things as I experience them, I love who I am and where things are, I am so grateful that I get to breathe it all in, this life is beautiful. :D

2013!!!

Wow! What amazing holiday festivities, it is December 27th and I still have a tree with presents to be opened, I am learning to put myself first. So much to do :)

This picture means so much to me, It needed a blog trying to describe what it means to me. :)

I love my bed, every night I get into bed, I think of the small act of putting myself first. On my 26th birthday I decided to "treat myself" and buying myself a bed, that was a big moment for me! Acting in faith, I got an amazing bed connection and I can get anyone the greatest deal on beds $4,000 beds for like $600! I am overwhelmed with gratitude for that, I love it. When I see my bed I smile because it symbolizes my sacred place of rest, my sister's kindness with my "Libra Pillow" and my "God Pillow" and of course the fact that I took action towards feeling like I deserve to buy myself something. So my bed, which is my sacred place, is always made, "how are you going to make a million dollars if you can't even make your bed?!" "How you do anything is how you do EVERYTHING." Then my tribute to astrology and to God (by way of pillows) and God always comes first in that. Then a selection of the books I need to read to prepare me for the transition at the first of the year and my 2013 structured book list according to my plan. Then my right leg has a cute reminder that I need to pray. When I see it, I pray and express gratitude for my life, it's awesome! and I am in my undies on my bed notebooking in that picture which makes me smile huge. I have my iPad, my Scriptures, as a man thinketh & volume 2, "Standing for Something" and an audiobook playing on my iPod, you should get a copy of that book "Standing for Something!" It'll change your life! God is heavily involved in this entire notebook session and it was the perfect way to spend my cold December night :)

I feel abundant, I feel so much love and joy and gratitude for my life. I am 27, I am alive, I am healthy, I am LDS, I found it! hahaha! I feel peace throughout every day, that void of lonely and empty feelings was filled with God, I love being LDS, that has been an incredible journey and I don't know who I would be without that. I reflect on my year and what I have to be grateful for and THAT is what stands out to me more than family, more than friends, more than success, material things, it's being LDS... God is so good to me, 3.5 years ago I made a decision to walk a higher path, to strive to be better, to progress and to live extraordinary and to realize my potential I became LDS, I was looking, I was missing something and THAT was it, it took me a year and a half to be open to it, I had a completely warped view on it, but I eventually found it, or it found me I should say. Since then I learned that I am not alone. This year there have been so many amazing lessons I have learned through all of that. If you're not LDS, just disregard anything pertaining to it. I don't want to offend you, but I don't want to censor myself, there are many rivers to one ocean I am just gushing with gratitude for the path I found. :) It really has impacted my year more than anything and everything put together. I wouldn't have made it this year without it.

All of these things that I have learned this year were through people's examples, conversations, books, but all through experiences. Whew, this was a wild and heavy year!

This year, 2012... I learned and truly know in my heart of hearts all these things:

I learned that I am more than enough. I believe that with my whole soul.

I learned how to be vulnerable, that is where Joy and Happiness are found, what makes me vulnerable is what makes me beautiful.

I learned how to receive, I never knew how that worked before and I was awful at that, it's changed my life.

I learned that God truly loves me, is VERY real and that if you ask him anything sincerely, he will answer you EVERY time if you are open to receiving it. That was a hard lesson to learn, hehe I am prideful and stubborn sometimes. :)

I learned that I am NOTHING without God, literally nothing. I am capable of maybe 2% in this life at my best. God brings the other 98% and we call that grace, and through the atonement that's possible.

I learned how to be consistent with just about every aspect of my life.

I learned that I am worthy of the deepest love and I believe that with my whole soul

I learned that I deserve my eternal companion and soul mate, I never believed that before.

I learned how to love deeper than I ever thought I was capable of

I learned to forgive, to truly forgive

I learned how to ask forgiveness. This was so hard!

I learned to be the bigger person. This was also VERY difficult

I learned to let go.  95% of what we worry about never happens, the 5% that does, isn't as bad as we thought it would be and then "Everything happens for a reason."

I learned how to ask God for the lesson he is teaching me through people and situations, patterns and experiences

I learned how to sing without being self conscious.

I learned how to play lead guitar,

I learned to love and be grateful for my insecurities, they make me happy :) I think they make me cute!

I learned to have faith in God's timing

I learned to just be at peace because what is supposed to happen will happen, and where I am supposed to be.. I AM.

I learned to love every part of who I am because of who I am.

I learned God doesn't make mistakes, to not like something/hate something/someone is blasphemous, he created everything perfectly imperfect. Who am I to say I don't like something? I have been given so much! Eyesight alone is more than I could ever ask for and I am blessed to have it, let alone my physical health/

I learned not to settle in any aspect of my life.

I learned faith. To truly believe with my whole soul and to act on it. Faith comes in the action.

I learned a great deal about law and legal proceedings.

and I learned how to communicate my feelings on a much deeper level, for that I am forever grateful.

I feel like 2012 was the prep year for 2013.

This year was one of the hardest years that I have ever had in my life, I am truly grateful for all the struggle that I have faced. I figured out who I am and what I am supposed to be doing for the next 30-40 years. I am excited to move forward on that plan, I just started school and I am learning with voracity what I need to learn to go into the next phase of this life. It's time to stabilize my life and pour gas on the fire. This year looks so promising. I feel like the boy that cried wolf in love. I would love to have love, I am super idealistic, a hopeless romantic that gives a great deal, I have been single for almost 5 years, I haven't found someone that can receive me fully, I have let all of that go, I am no longer looking at all. I haven't the time for that. In these past 6 years I have grown so close to my daughter and we have a dynamic relationship, I am forever grateful to God for putting her in my life. It's like having a daughter, a best friend, a travel buddy, a business partner, a mom, a confidant, she holds me accountable, helps me grow and communicate better, she helps me to respect people on a whole different level and she has taught me more than half of the lessons I have listed above through her example and her advice. I am blessed beyond belief to have her in my life. Who needs a girlfriend when you have so much emotional love and support from your own flesh and blood. I love her :) She is patient with me. Hahahaha! I am super intense sometimes! Hahaha! Watching her trials and challenges in life are beautiful, her mom is awesome! I love seeing the dynamic and perspective that comes with that. I am so blessed to have been married before, I look back on that and I am grateful for the man that my ex wife has helped me to become, she continues to help me grow and I love her so much for that. She is an example to me of so many things. :) Halli's life is richly blessed with perspective to have both parents and the families that accompany that. To think, her mom and I will both remarry some time and she will have 4 different families. That is really cool! What a blessed life that is. I hope I can help her life be harmonious and provide her with support, perspective and stability to be there for her through her trials in her life. She's already so strong and smart and intuitively developed for 8 years old. I will continue to study people with prolific intensity so I can best assist her to grow in this life. That's what it's all for. :)

2013 is the quantum leap year, from an outside perspective it will look like THIS WAS THE YEAR 2013, but this is what 5 years of hard work has led up to, the work is compounding. This is THE year. Maybe God says it's time and I meet my eternal companion and end up married, maybe not. Either way, I will not allow myself to be distracted by that this year. There is too much at stake with these next few months and I don't need to be distracted like that, if it happens, it happens, I won't go looking for it. :) 2013 is all about focus. I get to finish real estate school fast, jump in to it full time, get out of my house and find a place to rent or an investment home to live in while I create my net worth, increase my income streams dramatically, tackle the stock market and diversify. Maybe settle down and get married, start BYU in the fall, go get an education, ultimately leading to an MBA and another income stream. Read at least 24 books, listen to AT LEAST 24 audiobooks, get ridiculously proficient on guitar, singing and rapping, progress at fitness through Crossfit, Gold's Gym, and maybe some yoga, Result... Get so ripped. I will strive to treat everyone that I meet as though I am meeting Christ, I will set a good example for the people around me, I will be the best father, son, brother, uncle, cousin, business partner and friend anyone could ever ask for. I will Love with all of my heart, mind, might, strength and soul all of the time, permeating with gratitude for even the littlest things, being transparent and vulnerable, giving all praise to God for helping me become this man, taking no credit... constantly re-calibrating all while travelling all over the world meeting new people and making lasting memories.

THIS IS THE YEAR...

It has to start somewhere... it has to start some time....

What better place than here...  What better time than now...


I have a secret weapon in this life... It's my small and very limited understanding of God's love.
I have a path and a set out structure of things to learn... It's called being LDS
I have a cheat code to this life... It's called Gratitude
I have a blue print to make the year happen... It's called my notebook

I have 3 vehicles to use to accomplish this... They are RevvNRG, Real Estate and BYU.
I have support... They are people that love me because I chose to let them in vulnerably and they see me.
I have a very small and limited understanding of the patterns in front of me and how things work... It has to do with your birthday. :)
I am Kevin Goldberg, I am a son of God... I know who I am, where I am going, and why I am here...

Uhhh!!!

:-D