This is your time

As cliche as it always is for everyone to say the things that are said. There may just be validity to them. I remember at 17, when in 24 hours I found out my dad had a Tumor, my brother and best friend died in Iraq, my high school sweetheart got pregnant, the school told me graduating was impossible and the roof collapsed in our house and killed the fish. Now fast forward to this week... 

I got to lose everything to gain it, I found myself, found my purpose, found what I will do with my life as far as my career, I found the right company to work, I found the perfect girl, well she found me, and she may or may not be my soul mate, ill go day by day, I am leaving the old life behind and blazing ahead in this new one... Giddy, it feels like today... It feels like my stars aligned, it feels like luck is on my side.  It feels like karmic retribution, it feels like God is blessing me beyond my wildest dreams and I feel immense peace through out this process. It's time to professionally make the biggest run at life I have ever made in my life. Time to set this world on fire. 

Robert Frost said "I took the road less traveled and it made all the difference." I was just faced with that very same decision, and I chose the road less traveled, I decided not to follow the crowd. They say "if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." So as it stands I made some major changes, I have heard a great deal of negative things said, then people whom I thought were friends turn on you and when the smoke settles, you realize you made a good decision and what lies ahead is the future and it looks bright. 

Quotes are such powerful teachers. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." Now as I grow up, I look at partnership a bit differently. I cannot wait till I marry my eternal companion and start making babies, the "why" I have been chasing all this time turns out to be here now. I just had to choose that path, since I have been so indecisive as to what I wanted and who I wanted to become, God made it challenging for me so I would stumble on it. I almost lost my daughter, I almost lost my home, I lost my business, I did lose my income a couple times, I lost all my distributors, I lost my front, facade and ego, I lost myself in the process, I found myself through God, I was blessed with everything I could ever want and I feel peace. :) I am happier than I have ever been, I am on the right path, it's a little scary starting over, but it feels so right. 

For over a month I kept asking myself. "Kevin, who do you want to become?" I looked at my surroundings, you become the people around you, the people you spend the most time with. I took a hard look at the lives of everyone and who they were when they thought no one was watching, who they were behind peoples backs, who they were to the people they love and who they were to themselves and I asked myself; Do I want to be like them. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, socially. I couldn't say that I would want to be that.

So, when I really took a hard look at everything, I realized that I needed to make some big changes, I needed to go against the grain in order to grow once more. At one point in my life I would've said yes to all of that. But it was time to make big changes. No was the answer, They say if you're the most capable person in the room, you need to find a new room, I was searching for a new room, I needed growth, if you're not growing, you're dying, my dreams were nearly dead, I did not think they were even possible on the path I was on, waiting around for something to happen is like slowly dying. 

Time will either promote you or expose you, and History has a way of repeating itself. God blessed me with more than i could ever ask for by making the right choice, although it was a hard one, it was worth it. i think its funny how when you align with your desires, live true to who you want to become and put yourself on the path that'll get you closer to your "why" your dreams and your deepest desires, they just show up. :) 

The next phase is here... This is YOUR time! 

I saw a Unicorn!

I never sleep anymore... I'm living on dreams and caffeine by day. But my emotional productivity is through the roof at night. I love life this way. I don't pop on social media as often, I'm usually lost in a book or in life somewhere doing something with someone or invariably on the phone. This life we have is so short. I've been running an emotional marathon I swear, in some facet or another. I have just learned so many heavy life lessons in such a short time. Be it through love, relationships, exes, legal battles, business dealings, band members, coworkers, friends and every experience imaginable, but regardless of the teacher there's so much to be grateful for. EVERY PERSON in my life is there to teach me unconditional love in some capacity whether it's them to me or me to them. I may as well learn the lesson the first time instead of being doomed to repeat the same pattern. Everyone is a mirror of ourselves, we see our traits both good and bad in them, that determines whether we like them or not, then we try to wipe the mirror to get the stains off our face that may be on there. When what we really need to do is to wipe off our faces and get back at it.

I recently had some crazy business events that really showed me who people really are. There were a lot of life lessons and the chips fell where they needed to and in the end there were so many lessons to learn and so much to gather from it that I am left with gratitude for it all. The growth has been truly tremendous for everyone. We are all on the cusp of something incredible. I can feel it in my chest :) 

As for love and romance, well... The Lessons i am learning are tremendous. I am watching everyone around me get married, I have felt cursed for the last few years like I am good luck chuck or something, except emotionally, lol the irony is my dad's name is chuck, it's of no consequence to me when God draws her to me, I know he will, it truly is the deepest desire in my heart, so It'll happen in God's timing but boy do I love being blown away by a lovely girl, but every once in a while... You are stopped dead in your tracks by a unicorn...

We don't ever think it's possible in real life for a girl to truly have EVERYTHING on your list, but yet one day lo and behold she is standing there... And you are stunned and blown away and you're like... "Don't move... Quick, get your camera, don't scare it, you have to get a picture... There's a unicorn!" 

That's the most beautiful experience in life that I know of besides getting baptized or going to the temple, to think that someone could be so perfect, you are shocked, THIS IS a unicorn. Some people see a unicorn once in their life, some people marry the unicorn, these are the fairy tales people are still talking about today from many years ago, whatever the outcome it's a beautiful thing to know that unicorns are real and it is moments like this that truly raise the bar. 

Time to grow some more. I feel good. I am so grateful I have had the opportunity to experience the things I have experienced in these 27 years of life and I am blessed to be alive. :) 

I hope you all have a good day today!  Thanks for stopping by :) 

Ps: I think i sprained my soul this week! And I saw a unicorn! They really are as beautiful as you think they are :) 

Integrity

Sorry if I get preachy, emotional or otherwise, I have had a rough few days.

I was just in the shower and pondering a couple things and I feel impressed to share them with my blog and the 13 people that follow it. how to assimilate my thoughts in a cohesive message can be a challenge. I don't expect people to read through this, it's more for me. Call it a journal entry this evening.

I am 27, I have just gone through the ringer these past few weeks, I cannot tell you how I feel accurately. But grateful is what keeps coming to mind. This has been a trial. It is so funny to see
people that you call friends or consider family that you sacrifice an incredible amount of time, emotional energy and other resources to help them and with one or two conversations they can be against you, not for you, or ultimately everything that previously happened in null and void, it's funny how we give so much and expect all sorts of things, like trust, devotion, friendship, honesty or loyalty, and at the end of the day people will act in what is best for their own personal interests and that is how it is supposed to be. Sure it is nature, but what happened to honor?

The experiences I have recently gone through were all put here for me so that I may learn unconditional love, as emotional as I have been and hurt and what not, I am grateful for these things, it has made me introspect.  I never realized how corrupt people are, the greed that is around us, the enmity and the self serving interests of people, there is scarcity and fear every where, I tend to not notice these things and I see the good in most situations, but wow...

In the past few weeks I have seen dishonesty, lying, lack of integrity, manipulation, controlling power trips, backstabbing, deceit, lack of honor, lack of moral character and it has been demoralizing, to see people you have known a long time show their true colors. That can really hurt. I haven't ever really been this disappointed in my entire life. The moral degredation of human kind is all around us and I never saw it coming, I know that I'll trust again, I won't punish new situations with old results.

There is a quote I truly love... "When someone shows you who they are.... BELIEVE THEM."

For me, this decision has been one of the toughest decisions I have ever had to make in my entire life. Do you choose what is right for you? Do you choose what is right for the people you are loyal to? Do you stand up for what you know in your heart of hearts is right?  Do you speak up? Do you keep quiet? Do you let the world know? Do you be the bigger person? Do you go to war? Do you go to work? Do you go to college?

The road ahead is an interesting one. I have lost faith in people, I don't know who I trust. Funny, I have never had so much faith in God in my entire life as I do right now, in this moment as I type these words. This world will let you down, the people in it will let you down. God has never let me down, God is my refuge. I don't understand how people can live without a higher power... If you don't believe in God, talk to whatever higher power you choose, it could be a purple icecream cone for all I know, it's not my place to make that call, although it doesn't matter, something is better than nothing. I have a choice. Choose to follow people in one direction or another, I will become them. It is inevitable. Do I desire to be these people? Do I want their lives? Do I want their values? Do I want to be like them? I have always said, NEVER take advice from someone you wouldn't trade places with. I believe in this! All advice is autobiographical

Situations like this one I have been facing really make you soul search, I have arrived at a powerful conclusion... I don't want to be like anyone else. I don't really like anyone else enough to want to be them. I have no heroes, I want to be me! The best version of myself I possibly can be. I want to be the passionately curious birthday guy that asks lots of questions because he seeks understanding before being understood, the guy that connects deeply to every human being he encounters, the guy that raps and plays guitar and sings, the guy that gives his everything to his daughter, his family and every person he comes into contact with. I may have imperfections and people may point out things I do wrong or don't do, I am where I am and working towards becoming a better me. But I truly love who I am and why I am this way. There is no one I would rather be. I am imperfect. But I am me. I love people with all that I am, I am proud of myself for that, I truly care for everyone, I am empathetic, sensitive, thoughtful, kind, passionate, happy, moody, romantic and intense. I am genuine, I speak my heart, I tell the truth, I do my best in this life to live with integrity and honor and I stand up for what I believe in, no matter the cost. I feel as though I have been a follower put in a leadership position, it is time to change that. How can one be a follower when there is no one to follow, we walk our own path in this life.

I am hurt, deeply hurt, I feel like I have post traumatic stress from these past couple weeks, it is time to put everything behind me and move ahead in life. My brother David used to say "Without your word, you are not a man." I have had a very eye opening few weeks.

Integrity is everything.

Take a hard look at your self, Who are you? Who do you take advice from? Who do you surround yourself with?  Who are you becoming?