The Next Phase

Here it comes!!!

I can hardly wait, the next phase is happening, the metamorphosis begins...

It is time to transition from a fully grown child at 27, into a married, international business man, real estate investor, homeowner, father complete with all the accouterments, the responsibilites, the callings, the nonprofits, the positions, the Davis county home, the mountain home/lake house in mountain green, the toys (The Alpina B7, the track cars, The Lifted Dodge Truck and The Mastercraft, The Quads, Dirt Bikes, The Jet Skis and Recording Studio)  and the chick...

The chick... Well well well, I think about her daily, she's my dreamboat. This idea that has been in my head for 27 years has haunted my every thought, I am a romantic. I have fantasized about marriage and family since I was little, and for the first time in my life I am at peace with the idea of her, moreover, I am convinced that it'll happen when it's supposed to. THAT is so NOT something I would think or say, that amazes me that that is where I am.  If I am being completely open and honest with myself and with the world, at my core, the deepest level of who I am, I am completely at peace with myself. I would be completely fine being alone forever, I haven't ever been here before. I am handling all this past baggage well, karmic retribution has hit, and I feel as though I am going backwards in my life's experiences, facing emotionally transmitted diseases that were created from different experiences and I am growing from them and learning the lessons that they have to offer, and doing this fast, preparing me for my next phase of life. My life has a liberating sense of completion.

Just last week some friends played a joke on me and made me think I was going to die in a car accident, I was at peace and excited for it when I thought it was happening.  That recent experience has stayed with me for the past week, to be okay and welcoming death, from a place of abundance and completion as though I have done everything I could, at my personal best. I feel as though I have given my life, my all. There is so much peace in that. I am emotionally in a filled up space, it's a weird place to me, on a daily basis I cry at least twice. Like not sadness or depression or something empathetic. But like an overjoyed feeling of overwhelming gratitude for the love that I feel from my creator for being able to experience this life another few hours, another moment, another day. It's overwhelming. On average twice a day. I just want others to feel this. It's uncanny and hard to explain how it feels. When I get alone and am all by myself, like in the shower, the bath, the bathroom or bedtime, these emotions envelop me. I feel so happy.

I have always felt like I needed someone, a significant other of sorts. It's cool, I'm like that codependent guy that I always shake my head at cause he is always in some relationship, well that used to be me and emotionally still was till this past year. I am ruined in dating nowadays because for me to give up my precious "Kevin Time" she must be pretty special, I haven't yet found a girl that blows me away, the last few girls that were like that weren't it, or I was friend-zoned for one reason or another. I will completely give "The girl" Everything I am, and I will work hard to be the man that she cannot live without and I will treat her the way she truly deserves to be treated. I am looking at the primary relationship with "The Girl" to be a place that I go to give and to enjoy my life with. Well you can see the conundrum, I LOVE MY LIFE, I am full, I can give for days, and I don't really need anything from her. So what I am trying to say is... She better be pretty cool!!!  I feel as though she is coming soon, I always hear things like "When you stop looking, then she finds you." Or, "When you least expect it." and all those other cliche things, I feel like now that I don't want it and I am totally beyond good with myself and with God, that it'll be soon. You'd think I'd be all excited about that... Well for the first time in my life I am not excited about it. I love the phase I am in. Things are moving forward fast. I will never be in this place again and I will enjoy every minute of it. :) I am so happy!!! I remember how I was with dogs, all my boyhood I attempted to convince my parents to allow me to have a dog... I never got one. I grew up to not be a dog person, I question if this is what is happening with me and women. Halli wanted has wanted a puppy since she could talk and it has been a journey to like dogs, I see my dog Lilee want this bunny that she humps, the moment it is available to her she jumps on it, literally, it almost makes me uncomfortable. Once it is there beyond the initial mounting, she isn't interested, the moment I take that bunny away, she chases it. She will do this repeatedly for days on end. She is a female and plays female games, it is her nature.

Girls play games, I don't believe in playing games, but to say that I am not guilty of playing games would make me a liar. Hahaha! I don't even realize I am playing games half the time. I am bad that way! Hahaha! That's what 13 years of getting put in the friend zone will do to you. Unconscious game playing. Which is ironic because the friend zone was created by girls, then you have to play their games to not end up in the friend zone, which brands you as a player, the true way to attract a girl is to not be interested, they can intuitively tell when you aren't interested and they're interested. It's all such a hassle and a headache that it makes dating so unappealing, I hear girls (when confronted with this topic) say all the time "Oh, I don't play games." Um... Sorry honey... Girls play games... Look at the garden of Eden... Girls have been playing games since back in the day, it's their nature. :) Nice guys finish happy, successful, fulfilled, grateful and overjoyed, and there is peace in that. :D

Knowing that "The girl" is not anyone in my life as of today and that there are no possible candidates at this present moment makes me so giddy and relieved. That added mystery and surprise to everything. Now there is this ominous and somewhat impending commitment looming in the future that I see as an excited, love-filled form of inevitability and fate, I am not being a cynic or a pessimist, a misogynist or jaded, don't get me wrong, I am excited for "The chick," I will exceed EVERY expectation she has for an eternal companion, but as for right now, I am good on it and enjoying now. It'll happen when it does. To see how this next phase unravels in this department will be beautiful. It'll be so cool looking back on this phase :) This is exciting!

As for the other parts of life, I am pushing through school and I have a precise plan in place and my bases covered and I am working voraciously towards those goals. I will be moving into a new house, significantly increasing income, making a career change, taking my business up to a higher rank and level, investing into a couple different things, finishing school, simplifying my life, overhead and liabilities, reading more books, listening to more audios, and improving at all the important things. This next phase has begun... "The Chick" looms in the horizon with a question mark... I will hope, wish, and pray for her to come sometime in 2016 but I feel as though I am not THAT lucky.

Who am I!?!?! Where did my friend Kevin go?! Hahaha! He's in the bath, or playing guitar or freestyling :)