At the water cooler at 5am

Sometimes it's the middle of the night and you wake up cause it's hot in the covers and so you get a drink of water and then get sucked into Facebook asking you what you're doing. So I will share what Facebook has provoked. 

To be quite honest, I was thinking about how grateful I am for my wife. She's like 12 people in one with me. She's my best friend, being married has taught many lessons in such a short period of time, I always say never take advice from someone I wouldn't trade places with, so I have always sought certain advice from certain people. When it comes to marriage. I would trade places with me. I have a 9.75 relationship on the 1-10 scale. 

I believe that Marriage is a mirror, when something isn't working... I get to grow. What I see that bugs me, I get to grow, it's a mirror, you learn to love so deeply or your relationship suffers. It all comes down to how vulnerable and authentic we can be. Then the key is being that honest with ourselves, insecurities aside. We get to grow and I found the woman that for the rest of my life I want to grow with, and she grows so fast, it lights me on fire. I love my wife, I talk about her all the time, my daughter loves her and I have never seen her so happy before in her life to share time as a family unit, her and I have been dream building this all for years and we are living it. 

Besides a marriage being the ultimate mirror I want to make her day constantly, she's the same way with me, we are kind of obsessed. It's like a sleep over with your best friend that never ends! :) 

Everyone needs to take the love languages tests online as a couple and learn how to love each other in different ways, I am learning touch. It's hard, that's not how I work, I have to remind myself consciously to be more touchy, this test will help you both to see how you receive and give love and what you need to do to speak your partners language and make them feel loved. Ultimately if you have a need in the relationship, you should be meeting it. That's like blaming someone else because you didn't eat today, you're perfectly capable of giving yourself love and meeting your own needs. If you feel like you're not getting something from your partner that you believe you need, maybe consider asking yourself why it's a need, and analyze it and see if it serves you to keep thinking that way or not, then put your partners needs in front of your own and make it your goal to make them feel loved. It's a beautiful thing because all that you're putting into your partner comes back to you as you put more into the relationship it compounds and the in love effect starts to compound too, which pushes you in life in every aspect. I guess what I am saying is it's 5:00am and I don't have to be up for a few more hours, my body is used to this, I am going to see if I can sleep in some more. Facebook distracted me, instead of a status, I wrote a blog and drank 32oz of water. Hahaha, time to go to sleep. I get to cuddle my best friend and hold the baby in the tummy at the same time. 😊 being a husband and father is all I have ever wanted in life and I am living them. :) I thank God every day for my family. I love my daughter and my wife. It's crazy how my life is. I am living my why that I dreamt of for so many years. :) 

Thanks for reading this. Give me feedback. It's the first step of receiving. 

I think I need to start a blog again this is too lengthy.

I am married now,

Life has entirely changed, I feel out of touch with so many... I miss SOOOOOO many people! I hope certain people read this. :) I don't promote stuff enough. I have been so wrapped up in my own little world!

So I got married, That's truly such a huge step. People don't ever talk about the "transition period" LoL! Erin and I are champs, I swear at our one month anniversary, which was just barely was today. :) we had hit that completely head on and moved past it completely as a couple.  We both grew a lot as individuals and  together in this last month in dealing with all the transitions in our worlds coming together.  It has been fun. I love being married. I love how she is with Halli, I love how Halli accepts her and their relationship, I love how she loves me, it is a beautiful love, for me it's perfect love, we have no fear, only love, unconditional love, she is fun to be around, she totally goes to bed early, I enjoy the time I get to share with her, waking up beside her is so nice. :) I love having someone to cook for, someone to take care of, she's a pretty special woman, I am happy, I have so much confidence in us, we are best friends, like really, total vulnerability, like as if we were friends when we were newborns, she is funny, the comfortability with us is so fun. I would go off on stuff but I swear I always end up saying too much LOL! Being married to your best friend really is like having a sleep over that never ends, my inner child connects with her inner child and we have crushes on each other, it's cute. She's cute. Being married is great, it's work, it's the ultimate personal development, I am grateful she loves me so much that she takes me as I am. God blessed me, so much, so much. I feel unconditional love from him through her. It's beautiful.

The honeymoon was really fun, erin is fun to travel with. She needs to get the Halli travel experience, Halli is such a fun person to travel with, I once went 22 hours in a car with Halli and she only got annoyed once about how long it took to get there, and then one "Are we there yet?" when we were 2 hours away from the destination. 

Mexico was great, I love the people of mexico so much, my world changes every time I travel, my level of gratitude increases exponentially. 

Erin and I did all basic mexico stuff, Tacos al Pastor, mexican grocery shopping, going for walks around the town, random conversations, random food, shopping, the beach, a little bit of tourism for a day, we got pitched a time share, that was fun, their sales process is substantially different than ours, they have like 13 people take a crack at everyone before they can leave with free stuff, that was fun! It took 4 hours but there was air conditioning and it was so hot and humid down there, we were like in the middle of the jungle, then in a touristy area, it was like mexican vegas but with jungle between the hotels and resorts, Erin and I enjoyed going into the town, we went to some mayan ruins, went to a couple different beaches, 

different pools, we swam with dolphins, ate and drank a ton of cool Mexican stuff, we got our tan on, did some exploring, we also stayed in, there was a jetted tub in our room, the show was really nice and we bought a bunch of stuff at the grocery store so we could have a mexican holiday with Mexican groceries and we spent a lot of time in our room it was like a mini house, that was the first time I have ever done room service in my life, wild huh?

 

  It was truly wonderful, it all made me miss my bathtub, love my wife and be super grateful for America and how we live! I believe my Spanish went fluent on that trip we were there a while! $6 a day is the average wage for the majority of the people down there, let me repeat SIX DOLLARS A DAY, That's for 8 hours, an apartment is $200 - $300 a month down there, gas prices are the same as they are in the united states, food is a little cheaper. families live together and combine incomes to get by, they're a close and tight knit group of people, so much heart. I learned a lot from their examples.

I was grateful to come home! We really missed Halli when we got back she was out of town for another 4 days, her mom took her to Miami like the day before we got back it was cool that she got to travel too!

 
She got to swim with the dolphins also, that was really cool of her mom to take her to do that.  I love Halli, sharing her experiences with her and seeing how she takes everything in and her perspective and talking to her and hearing what she has to say and how she observes her world and how she feels about every little detail of every little thing all the time and then how her dog is with her. It's really cool. She's a really neat kid, she is mature and reasons well, she loves math, it's her favorite subject, she surprised me tonight when she subtracted something so fast that I was caught of guard how fast and it was the right answer, I'd have had to get out my calculator, she teaches me so many lessons in this life every single day, she is truly unconditional and a really good person, she gives full trust so fast based on her feeling and intuition and she is usually spot on about her feelings on something, she is an incredibly good judge of character and she is very aware of what's happening, she is deep she thinks generational and in detail and she is always helping me grow through her example to me and I am so grateful that God gave me an angel to share this life with! Haha I love her!


I wish I had those Emoji right here to show how it is lol Emoji is totally a language. haha! No time for THAT tangent, we love to communicate through that sorta stuff. Halli is excited, she is mature about whatever is going on in her world and deals with it in a way that doesn't cause her to really hold on to anything and to just understand and have peace, she is a good person and lives a really good life, she loves art, she won in a competition on a picture that she took that I loved so much, she called it, "The Stumped Shroom." haha She's so earthy, she loves nature and trees and plants and animals, and dirt, she loves dirt. Hahaha! She loves to be outside enjoying everything. She captured a real mushroom growing on a stump in her grandma's yard. I am so proud of her for following her heart and doing something she loved!

She loves reading, she's always reading, she is so cute when she is doing accents and impressions, she loves singing, dancing and cooking, but her most favorite thing and what occupies so much of her time is animals, that's her favorite thing! :) She loves to read about them, think about them, relate life to them, worry about them, care about them, and she loves having animals around her. She loves so much.

Halli got to move into a bigger room that she's been wanting cause she kept her room clean since we moved back to Layton so she could be closer to our families which she has been loving, school hasn't been the best transition, she had more friends down south and she doesn't see them as much but she has made some new friends, no lasting connections up here yet but we feel she's close, Halli gets to see Bailee and Kyler more! She's hanging out with them more often and they're always making memories, the holidays this year will be fun. 

As Bailee gets older she's so intelligent that she bridges the gap between their age difference, sometimes I think Halli needs to acknowledge that better and she's been working on it and she's improving and they're getting closer and forming such a strong bond, it's cute to see how they love each other so much. They will be close for life, I love watching them play. They have their own roles and do their own thing but they totally love doing it together. I have fallen in love with being an uncle, 

Kyler is a little man his mom captured him really smiling here, this picture shows you the love he has for his mom and he is truly his father's son, it's awesome to watch him be a little boy, he's so much like his dad, he's so young and yet so mature in his way, my brother Danny always wanted that, now he has it, they're blessed. Erin is such a good aunt to her sister's kids. I love watching them all play, they're good parents and good people and they live a good life and it shows in their kids, there's nothing but unconditional love there and that is always a blessing to be around, having in-laws is cool, I strangely miss them, I don't really get them yet, but I think they're fun to be around and I always enjoy listening to what they have to say, I believe in my heart that I have a lot to learn from them and that's a blessing. I wonder who they'll help me become through their examples?  I love my family. 

My parents are cool, they're in a different phase of their lives, they're being the parents to our kids that time didn't allow them to fully be with us, it's a new found love and respect I have for them in understanding where they've been and who they are now and what they're doing next I love how the next generation gets the blessing of receiving that much love and connection with them while we are friends that hang out and chill together as a family and we get to love our parents deeper for that. It's a beautiful thing. My siblings are doing well, they're making me have to step it up, if they all live in Farmington, we may have to move there again. although I really want to live east. I could see Farmington, or Huntsville it'll be seeing how far we are on the plan by May, that's a long time if you think about it. A lot happens in a short while. 

Erin and I celebrated our 1 month anniversary of marriage and to think what's been accomplished, it feels like so much longer, but it's honestly only been one month. It's intense. I am blessed that she's my wife. 

Man I ramble...
Bottom Line, I am married, things are good, I love Halli, she's pretty awesome. I love my family, I am excited that I have a new family and for the traditions that accompany that and the time we will share and connections we will build, I love the holidays they're always a very special time at our house. I love the new seasons and all the food and the smells and spices and seasonings of The holidays. :) This year I am not doing Christmas single, I have done that for the last 7 years or so, Halli will spend half with her mom and that is like the exact same time my siblings do their in-laws christmas and my parents do their own thing, and I hang with them or hang out alone and everything is closed. Hahaha! So this year with Erin's family will be a blessing and it'll be cool to get to know her family better and share experiences, then having a Halli, Erin and Kevin Christmas season together with our own traditions will be absolutely magical. :) That is what feels the best about all the holidays when it boils down to it, it's family. God is so good to us to give us each other.

I should totally write down the recipes in my head this year and step by step them so some of my friends could learn how to cook some good healthy stuff that would taste good with a little bit of love. Hahaha! I love to cook, I mean I LOVE TO COOK, seriously, cooking has been one of my top 3 passions since I was a little boy, I love to express myself through the sense of taste. It feels so good to do that. I think I show the people I love how I feel about them in my cooking. I learned that from the example of a very special lady in Idaho, she makes the greatest steak I have ever had. I miss her! I love her so much!


So we need to have a wedding reception, I want to see if people are interested in throwing down on their "Flag ship dish" Everybody has that one dish, or that one desert or dip or soup or something that they make that's like... BAM.... I wanted to get trophies made for different categories and have judges and do the greatest pot luck that has ever happened, that could be so fun! We have a lot of people that will bring different things so there should be some competition in certain categories, Erin and I haven't found a venue just yet but have a couple ideas. We were thinking with the holidays being so close, it'd either make sense to do it like a wedding/christmas party or to do it after the first of the year, there's no decision just yet as to which one, but we are tossing ideas back and forth. More to come on that. I loved our pictures! I threw the idea around of having some of my up and coming photographer friends shooting Erin and I in our wedding attire for their portfolios and so we will have to post some of those as they come up but the ones we did for our wedding were awesome! This one I really liked, and they were fun to shoot with. 

Weddings are a lot of work... We are unconventional, always have been.  I'd love input on stuff if you want to Send me an Email I'd love feedback, or tell me what you are bringing or if you have questions about any of it or if you want to help us with anything or know where we registered or whatever, not everyone may get an invitation on time. We will get the details out to as many as we can.

I think it's time to go from survival mode to thrive mode, proactive to reactive, time to turn the "on" switch ON, the proverbial bull is being grabbed by the horns, time to put myself through school fast, start a career and keep making passive income on the side, I have had passive income for a while but not really an active income and I honestly feel like it's time for both. I love the lifestyle passive income gives, I would like to apply myself in the real estate world, make a fortune, live frugally, live debt free, self sustaining on a homestead, own many income producing assets, land, vending machines, diversified investments, retainer counsel and a sizable warchest, incredible life insurance, entities established, trust, will, all forms of insurance,  a few vehicles, a boat, some motorcycles, dirt bikes, maybe horses and a few dogs, some farm animals and maybe some cows if I get to that level, greenhouses and a bunch of guns.

So I start down that path, I am 96% done with Real Estate School, I will be done by the 13th of December 2013, which is like a week and a half. Then I must get licensed and take that test, get licensed for motorcycle and take those tests. The house is almost all set up and ready, I have to clean my downstairs and finish setting up my office but I can have that done shortly, I am almost consolidated and fully moved in, the kitchen needs a little work and then I will set up the studio and office downstairs. I love my car, it's the ugliest little thing I have ever seen, it got 591 miles on a $40 fill up. My gas light was on for so long, I put a gas can with $20 of premium in it in the backseat. I ran out just shy of 600 miles, mostly city miles, so I want to get this tank up to 600 miles, I put an additive into the tank and I will get to 600! Living frugally feels good. There is a plan in place and faith in my heart. We do a family date night and we do individual date nights also, it's important to have quality time :) with Family Home Evening and Family Date night, we are having a time. :)

So I want to have more kids, Halli is like an older sibling and guide for our children, she's 9 and a half, Erin is 27 and I am 28, with a plan in place and goals, and a little help from the man upstairs ;) it'll all work exactly the way that it's supposed to be and the present moment everyday will just be wonderful no matter what's going on, cause we got another day here. :)  Death is a reminder to remember. Life is short, enjoy the moment and work towards something, take more steps towards what you set out to do and enjoy it.  My brother died exactly 10 years ago today. It's interesting to think of how life would've been, I have no answer to that, I am grateful for the time I had, he was an example of so many things in life and in death an example of how short life really is. 20 years old. Life is a beautiful gift, cherish everyday. It really is a gift.

Well that was quite a lot. Thanks for reading this, sorry I have been so disconnected. I have so many phone calls I need to make. Wow that was an hour and a half sitting here typing. Yikes! Back to work. Email me what you want to bring to the reception!

I will start Blogging once a month again. Follow me or subscribe if you're wanting regular updates.

This was on my Instagram and Facebook, this is my ring. It is gibeon meteorite, petrified wood and diamonds, It took a while to be made but worth the wait. I love it so much. It's so perfect, a perfect balance of heaven and earth with the stars in between. I love this ring. It symbolizes our relationship. :)

This is your time

As cliche as it always is for everyone to say the things that are said. There may just be validity to them. I remember at 17, when in 24 hours I found out my dad had a Tumor, my brother and best friend died in Iraq, my high school sweetheart got pregnant, the school told me graduating was impossible and the roof collapsed in our house and killed the fish. Now fast forward to this week... 

I got to lose everything to gain it, I found myself, found my purpose, found what I will do with my life as far as my career, I found the right company to work, I found the perfect girl, well she found me, and she may or may not be my soul mate, ill go day by day, I am leaving the old life behind and blazing ahead in this new one... Giddy, it feels like today... It feels like my stars aligned, it feels like luck is on my side.  It feels like karmic retribution, it feels like God is blessing me beyond my wildest dreams and I feel immense peace through out this process. It's time to professionally make the biggest run at life I have ever made in my life. Time to set this world on fire. 

Robert Frost said "I took the road less traveled and it made all the difference." I was just faced with that very same decision, and I chose the road less traveled, I decided not to follow the crowd. They say "if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." So as it stands I made some major changes, I have heard a great deal of negative things said, then people whom I thought were friends turn on you and when the smoke settles, you realize you made a good decision and what lies ahead is the future and it looks bright. 

Quotes are such powerful teachers. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." Now as I grow up, I look at partnership a bit differently. I cannot wait till I marry my eternal companion and start making babies, the "why" I have been chasing all this time turns out to be here now. I just had to choose that path, since I have been so indecisive as to what I wanted and who I wanted to become, God made it challenging for me so I would stumble on it. I almost lost my daughter, I almost lost my home, I lost my business, I did lose my income a couple times, I lost all my distributors, I lost my front, facade and ego, I lost myself in the process, I found myself through God, I was blessed with everything I could ever want and I feel peace. :) I am happier than I have ever been, I am on the right path, it's a little scary starting over, but it feels so right. 

For over a month I kept asking myself. "Kevin, who do you want to become?" I looked at my surroundings, you become the people around you, the people you spend the most time with. I took a hard look at the lives of everyone and who they were when they thought no one was watching, who they were behind peoples backs, who they were to the people they love and who they were to themselves and I asked myself; Do I want to be like them. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, socially. I couldn't say that I would want to be that.

So, when I really took a hard look at everything, I realized that I needed to make some big changes, I needed to go against the grain in order to grow once more. At one point in my life I would've said yes to all of that. But it was time to make big changes. No was the answer, They say if you're the most capable person in the room, you need to find a new room, I was searching for a new room, I needed growth, if you're not growing, you're dying, my dreams were nearly dead, I did not think they were even possible on the path I was on, waiting around for something to happen is like slowly dying. 

Time will either promote you or expose you, and History has a way of repeating itself. God blessed me with more than i could ever ask for by making the right choice, although it was a hard one, it was worth it. i think its funny how when you align with your desires, live true to who you want to become and put yourself on the path that'll get you closer to your "why" your dreams and your deepest desires, they just show up. :) 

The next phase is here... This is YOUR time! 

I saw a Unicorn!

I never sleep anymore... I'm living on dreams and caffeine by day. But my emotional productivity is through the roof at night. I love life this way. I don't pop on social media as often, I'm usually lost in a book or in life somewhere doing something with someone or invariably on the phone. This life we have is so short. I've been running an emotional marathon I swear, in some facet or another. I have just learned so many heavy life lessons in such a short time. Be it through love, relationships, exes, legal battles, business dealings, band members, coworkers, friends and every experience imaginable, but regardless of the teacher there's so much to be grateful for. EVERY PERSON in my life is there to teach me unconditional love in some capacity whether it's them to me or me to them. I may as well learn the lesson the first time instead of being doomed to repeat the same pattern. Everyone is a mirror of ourselves, we see our traits both good and bad in them, that determines whether we like them or not, then we try to wipe the mirror to get the stains off our face that may be on there. When what we really need to do is to wipe off our faces and get back at it.

I recently had some crazy business events that really showed me who people really are. There were a lot of life lessons and the chips fell where they needed to and in the end there were so many lessons to learn and so much to gather from it that I am left with gratitude for it all. The growth has been truly tremendous for everyone. We are all on the cusp of something incredible. I can feel it in my chest :) 

As for love and romance, well... The Lessons i am learning are tremendous. I am watching everyone around me get married, I have felt cursed for the last few years like I am good luck chuck or something, except emotionally, lol the irony is my dad's name is chuck, it's of no consequence to me when God draws her to me, I know he will, it truly is the deepest desire in my heart, so It'll happen in God's timing but boy do I love being blown away by a lovely girl, but every once in a while... You are stopped dead in your tracks by a unicorn...

We don't ever think it's possible in real life for a girl to truly have EVERYTHING on your list, but yet one day lo and behold she is standing there... And you are stunned and blown away and you're like... "Don't move... Quick, get your camera, don't scare it, you have to get a picture... There's a unicorn!" 

That's the most beautiful experience in life that I know of besides getting baptized or going to the temple, to think that someone could be so perfect, you are shocked, THIS IS a unicorn. Some people see a unicorn once in their life, some people marry the unicorn, these are the fairy tales people are still talking about today from many years ago, whatever the outcome it's a beautiful thing to know that unicorns are real and it is moments like this that truly raise the bar. 

Time to grow some more. I feel good. I am so grateful I have had the opportunity to experience the things I have experienced in these 27 years of life and I am blessed to be alive. :) 

I hope you all have a good day today!  Thanks for stopping by :) 

Ps: I think i sprained my soul this week! And I saw a unicorn! They really are as beautiful as you think they are :) 

Integrity

Sorry if I get preachy, emotional or otherwise, I have had a rough few days.

I was just in the shower and pondering a couple things and I feel impressed to share them with my blog and the 13 people that follow it. how to assimilate my thoughts in a cohesive message can be a challenge. I don't expect people to read through this, it's more for me. Call it a journal entry this evening.

I am 27, I have just gone through the ringer these past few weeks, I cannot tell you how I feel accurately. But grateful is what keeps coming to mind. This has been a trial. It is so funny to see
people that you call friends or consider family that you sacrifice an incredible amount of time, emotional energy and other resources to help them and with one or two conversations they can be against you, not for you, or ultimately everything that previously happened in null and void, it's funny how we give so much and expect all sorts of things, like trust, devotion, friendship, honesty or loyalty, and at the end of the day people will act in what is best for their own personal interests and that is how it is supposed to be. Sure it is nature, but what happened to honor?

The experiences I have recently gone through were all put here for me so that I may learn unconditional love, as emotional as I have been and hurt and what not, I am grateful for these things, it has made me introspect.  I never realized how corrupt people are, the greed that is around us, the enmity and the self serving interests of people, there is scarcity and fear every where, I tend to not notice these things and I see the good in most situations, but wow...

In the past few weeks I have seen dishonesty, lying, lack of integrity, manipulation, controlling power trips, backstabbing, deceit, lack of honor, lack of moral character and it has been demoralizing, to see people you have known a long time show their true colors. That can really hurt. I haven't ever really been this disappointed in my entire life. The moral degredation of human kind is all around us and I never saw it coming, I know that I'll trust again, I won't punish new situations with old results.

There is a quote I truly love... "When someone shows you who they are.... BELIEVE THEM."

For me, this decision has been one of the toughest decisions I have ever had to make in my entire life. Do you choose what is right for you? Do you choose what is right for the people you are loyal to? Do you stand up for what you know in your heart of hearts is right?  Do you speak up? Do you keep quiet? Do you let the world know? Do you be the bigger person? Do you go to war? Do you go to work? Do you go to college?

The road ahead is an interesting one. I have lost faith in people, I don't know who I trust. Funny, I have never had so much faith in God in my entire life as I do right now, in this moment as I type these words. This world will let you down, the people in it will let you down. God has never let me down, God is my refuge. I don't understand how people can live without a higher power... If you don't believe in God, talk to whatever higher power you choose, it could be a purple icecream cone for all I know, it's not my place to make that call, although it doesn't matter, something is better than nothing. I have a choice. Choose to follow people in one direction or another, I will become them. It is inevitable. Do I desire to be these people? Do I want their lives? Do I want their values? Do I want to be like them? I have always said, NEVER take advice from someone you wouldn't trade places with. I believe in this! All advice is autobiographical

Situations like this one I have been facing really make you soul search, I have arrived at a powerful conclusion... I don't want to be like anyone else. I don't really like anyone else enough to want to be them. I have no heroes, I want to be me! The best version of myself I possibly can be. I want to be the passionately curious birthday guy that asks lots of questions because he seeks understanding before being understood, the guy that connects deeply to every human being he encounters, the guy that raps and plays guitar and sings, the guy that gives his everything to his daughter, his family and every person he comes into contact with. I may have imperfections and people may point out things I do wrong or don't do, I am where I am and working towards becoming a better me. But I truly love who I am and why I am this way. There is no one I would rather be. I am imperfect. But I am me. I love people with all that I am, I am proud of myself for that, I truly care for everyone, I am empathetic, sensitive, thoughtful, kind, passionate, happy, moody, romantic and intense. I am genuine, I speak my heart, I tell the truth, I do my best in this life to live with integrity and honor and I stand up for what I believe in, no matter the cost. I feel as though I have been a follower put in a leadership position, it is time to change that. How can one be a follower when there is no one to follow, we walk our own path in this life.

I am hurt, deeply hurt, I feel like I have post traumatic stress from these past couple weeks, it is time to put everything behind me and move ahead in life. My brother David used to say "Without your word, you are not a man." I have had a very eye opening few weeks.

Integrity is everything.

Take a hard look at your self, Who are you? Who do you take advice from? Who do you surround yourself with?  Who are you becoming?

 

Relationship Rant

So I have been pondering a great deal lately about relationships. I have so much swimming around in this cute brain of mine. I must share...

It's funny how I am with relationships, I have a semi-prolific and fantastical, "cute" brain, as it were, and it goes off into every detail and every rabbit hole and takes everything to end game. So when I meet someone, I tend to experience everything in my head and I leave little to nothing to present day reality.  Let's peel it back though and analyze everything... Maybe I am not crazy... Although you may think otherwise if you keep reading.

I used to have 7 Relationship Rules in which to live by but that was short lived, I am a chronic recidivist, justifier and rule breaking extraordinaire. I started buying books on people, dating, relationships, love, romance, etc. You see, all my life I have wanted to find my one true love, the soul mate, the woman I would marry and be with forever :) I've wanted to be a husband and a father. I haven't had desires beyond that. I still don't. Honestly, everything I do is filler till "She" and I are united.  I took in upon myself in the mean time to begin a journey into understanding people, reading social cues, facial geography, facial expressions and various types of reactions, eye movements, body language, tonality, NLP, personology, astrology, MBTI, the color code, archetypes, basic psychology, coping mechanisms, belief patterns, behaviors, personality types, temperaments, love languages and the list goes on and on, so that I could be a good husband and know how to understand her when the time came, that way, I could fulfill her needs interpersonally and she would feel loved. Studying all of this has helped so many people, it is powerful to think that she has had that much of an impact on all of these people all of this time yet we haven't met yet, or maybe we have, only God knows that. What a trip :) My good friend Payton always said "I did it for you." Now that he has "Her" it makes so much sense. He did. I am doing it all for her. She is effecting countless lives and doesn't even realize it. She is my muse and a totally special girl.

Relationships are fascinating, I was reading something earlier that I was reminded of that talked about the phases of relationships. What I find fascinating isn't so much the phases but the pillars. As far as phases go...

Phase 1. Infatuation... You're getting to know each other and you're hypnotized. This phase is fun!
Phase 2. Then it wears off... You are left with the person... This is where people bail...
Phase 3. The break up... Whether communicated properly, froze out, friend zoned, or cheated on, it ends.




I want to explain a concept I learned recently.

There are 7 pillars to a relationship, I have seen so many of my peers and people around me forge relationships on the weakest of pillars and watched their relationships crumble again and again. They all look different for different people but there really are 7 and here they are:

1. Spirituality: These are your beliefs in the deep things of life, for some it is God, Karma, Energy, Positivity, Love, gratitude, these are your core beliefs, this has absolutely NOTHING to do with religion. Examples: Being a Vegan because of your belief that killing Animals is wrong, believing in being selfless, being a kind person. Etc. These are your core beliefs and what you stand for. Being Christ like and believing in God.

2. Family: This is two-fold, your current family and their lifestyle and dynamic, and the family that you want to create, examples: Like if you are wrongfully opposed to having children, or if you want a lot of kids, or if you believe in adopting children, what you see your family like with your in-laws and present family and how your families mesh.

3. Friendship: This is the friendship that you have with your significant other, like how they are conversationally, on trips, late at night, early in the morning, the level of friendship connection you are able to establish with your partner and what that is like. This has a lot to do with how you click, sense of humor, communication, conflict resolution, time shared etc

4. Intimacy: This is a broader one, these are the tender intimate moments you share with your partner, whether it is in prayer, spiritual matters, or physical in affection, or massage, or cuddling, kissing etc, or in the vulnerable moments, when you are alone, how you two can relate and connect. This is intimacy, can you just stare at there eyes for 30 seconds, say nothing and be completely present? That is a wonderful test of intimacy. (Soul Gazing)

5. Health/Fitness/Nutrition: This is your lifestyle in a sense, it says how you feel about yourself physically and how you carry yourself in that manner, your major beliefs on this topic. Examples: You are strongly in favor of eating clean and working out, or you are a runner, you feel that is important, being with someone that is a couch potato that has poor eating habits won't work.

6. Career: This one is a big deal, this isn't just like your job, this is how you make your mark on the world, religion fits into this category, social accomplishments fit into this, Looks totally fit into this, goals, mindset, education, work ethic, direction, whether they be a "Conventionalist" or an Entrepreneur, a risk taker or more conservative, this is their image, what they aspire to be, the titles that define them. How someone looks with you and how it makes you look, what people will think of a significant other and how that'll be view in your life is social standings. That's career.

7. Interests/Hobbies: This is self explanatory, if you're into sports or opera, if you enjoy the guitar or white water rafting, hunting or video games, this is going to carry over lifestyle a great deal. If your family is into Nascar and your significant other is into Nascar, you undoubtedly will be into Nascar as well. When you marry someone, you don't just marry them, you marry their family and with that... You inherit their lifestyle and hobbies and interests.

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Now that you have a basic idea of the 7 pillars. You rate them on which are most important to you and how that looks, feels or sounds to you. We are all different and will have different answers. I wrote them above in the order of importance for me. What is important to me, may not be important to the person I am dating at any given time.

I have a friend named Mike and he recently got into a relationship, he is early 20's and he likes this girl because they have so much in common, she's pretty and he likes kissing her...

Lets break it down... This is built on

Interests/Hobbies, Career and Intimacy. So IF they married, 20 years later, what do they have!?

I had a friend named Crystal that had an amazing friendship with spiritual backing, the intimacy was wild although they never got physical it was on a verbal and emotional level, they were aligned in family. That'd be a great basis for a relationship...

--------------------The Caveat--------------

What pillars are important to you, aren't always important to your partner.  While Crystal has: Spiritual, Intimacy, Friendship and Family. The guy she's with is more into hobbies, interests, career and intimacy, so for him, one pillar hits and what's important to him isn't being met.

It's so much like love languages, we all have an idea of which ones we are, whether it be:

1. Words of Affirmation: Compliments, verbal acknowledgement, praise, saying thank you, giving detail to an accomplishment, etc, these words make a person feel loved and it will build their confidence and self esteem and make them feel loved

2. Quality Time: This comes by way of doing things together, whether a walk, a hike, something together, turn off the TV and discard the phone and be present, this will make them feel loved

3. Physical Touch: Sometimes all it takes is a hug, a pat on the back, the touch of the arm, hold hands, a scratch on the back, the physical touch person CRAVES loves through touch, they'll feel unwanted if they aren't touched regularly.

4. Acts of Service: Vacuuming or putting something away, going out of your way to do something out of love, whether it is cleaning up the kitchen or taking the time to prepare a meal for that person, or sewing some pants with a smile on your face ;) this is all demonstrative. "Actions Speak Louder than Words."

5. Gifts: Usually they don't have to be expensive gifts, "It's the thought that counts." To be thought of and gone out of the way for makes them feel loved. Giving gifts whether it's flowers or card, to be thought of makes these people feel loved.

But do we know what our partner's is? Now go deeper, through which love language do you give love, and which do you receive love?

Let's say that you are Words of Affirmation and your partner is Physical touch in how you receive love, but they give love through gifts. While you're giving them back gifts thinking that's how they are wanting love, they really want physical touch. So the result is that they feel unwanted and the gifts don't do anything for you because you receive love through Words of Affirmation.

I have made it a quest to master giving and receiving love through all 5 of them. I am learning how to love all over again. It is such a challenge! So not only do you have to link up at least 4 of 7 of the Pillars you value most, you have to make sure your partner's all line up too, then you figure out your primary and secondary love languages and how you give and receive those and then you find the same out of your partner and then communicate that with them so you both learn to love each other all over again.

If that wasn't all too much, there are some things that are worth looking into and considering.

1. Don't Make someone a priority if they only make you an option. This can be checked by matching their energy, or pulling back and seeing if you were the one always doing the work to hang out, to talk to them etc, look at your calls or texts, if you are always the one reaching out, and there is little to no reciprocation there is a good chance that you are an option. You deserve someone who would jump fences to be with you, not someone who is on the fence about being with you.

2. Friend Zone: If you are put in the friend zone, there is a very likely chance that the person that put you there cannot handle you on account of they're either too insecure to handle you, not interested, have no idea what they want and want to play or they don't realize what they could have had. Either way, be with someone who knows exactly what they have, not someone that will realize it when they've lost you.

3. Does this person have a Positive relationship with their opposite sex parent. Look at how a son treats his mother, that is what you can expect to be treated like, look at girls that have major daddy issues, they spend their whole lives throwing themselves at guys and drawing unnecessary physical attention to themselves because they're seeking that love and approval from their father that they never had. Worst part of that is, if they haven't ever had a positive relationship with a man or woman in their life, how can they ever have one with you? There is no frame of reference and nothing to model after unless they have that relationship with their heavenly father.

4. Does this person bring you up, or down. Truthfully, we are who we surround ourselves with, there's no wonder that our income is an average of the 5 people we spend the most time around. Choose wisely in a spouse, do they enhance you, help you grow in the 6 aspects of life Spiritually, Emotionally, Intellectually, Physically, Financially, and Socially? It is said that a "True Friend," is someone that knows who you are and holds you accountable to a higher standard and constantly helps you grow into your best self. You need this in a partner.

5. How can you love someone else if you don't love yourself? You truly cannot. You must have your oxygen mask on first before you can help others put theirs on, if you are trying to go to a relationship to get what you don't have already, then you missed the point and proved it anyway, and you are most likely codependent, I am LDS, my faith is based on 2 commandments, "Love the lord your God with all your heart, mind, might and strength." & "Love thy neighbor as thy self."  I have found that it is through God, and only God that we can come to love ourselves, then we have the capacity to love others. Otherwise it's like two starving people fighting over a piece of bread. A relationship is a place we go to give, not to get anything. It's to magnify the human experience.

6. You ARE worthy of love, and you completely deserve it: If God made us all imperfect, and God doesn't make mistakes then you are exactly the way you are supposed to be, exactly where you are supposed to be and how, and your life is unfolding perfectly the way it was supposed to, both the good and bad times. So if you believe that to be true, then to not love yourself or anything about yourself is like telling God that he made a mistake and that's downright blasphemous. Furthermore, if you give 100% of all that you have to a relationship and you truly do the best that you are capable of doing, how could you possibly give more than you have?! THAT is your personal best, that's all you are capable of, if you are working at your relationship, fully committed... Don't you deserve the same thing in return?

If we both initially agreed to invest $50,000 into a property and at the closing I only brought $10,000 you wouldn't let me get away with that, you'd make me get the other $40,000.  So why do we put up with that with relationships?

With relationships, I feel that there is no perfect formula, we do the best we can, love is a choice, a decision... I love the word decide... In Latin it means to Kill off/cut off other options. If you are aligned with the same values, you communicate, have goals together and work at it and commit to loving each other no matter what, well that's the recipe for a good match. However... Your odds of finding "The One," Are 1 in 6.5 Billion people. This takes faith, if you can have faith in that, then believing in God should be easy. I believe that my lady's heart is so rooted in God that I get to seek him to be given her. :) Awww that made me smile all big right there and giggle.

What I love about my faith is that there is a beautiful concept of the perfect love triangle that shows as a husband and wife grow closer to God, they grow closer to each other through the relationship. That is beautiful. I feel like Adam, just hanging around the garden, getting a little tired. My heart yearns for my eternal companion, not from a place on loneliness or codependency but from a deep longing for my deepest desire. I am picky and quick to find all the reasons why it won't work out but I am getting better at not doing that on a daily basis and I am proud of myself for that. I have the faith and hope that I can go all in when it happens, however I have major trust issues, I won't settle for less than I deserve. There is peace in knowing that God has this perfect plan for me and I am following it and it will align as it is supposed to.

So for those of you that read this and are in a relationship, I challenge you to go through and assess your relationship, soul gaze a bit, love that person the way that they need to be loved and understand what you have your hands on exactly. Then work to make it better.

If you are not in a relationship and want to be in one, I want to end this blog with some of the best advice I have ever received in regards to dating, I will quote my good friend, Colby Jones. "Don't put as much thought and energy into dating, just make right decisions, live your life properly and let heavenly father unite you & your companion. It will happen the way it's supposed to. Don't worry. I love you."

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The Next Phase

Here it comes!!!

I can hardly wait, the next phase is happening, the metamorphosis begins...

It is time to transition from a fully grown child at 27, into a married, international business man, real estate investor, homeowner, father complete with all the accouterments, the responsibilites, the callings, the nonprofits, the positions, the Davis county home, the mountain home/lake house in mountain green, the toys (The Alpina B7, the track cars, The Lifted Dodge Truck and The Mastercraft, The Quads, Dirt Bikes, The Jet Skis and Recording Studio)  and the chick...

The chick... Well well well, I think about her daily, she's my dreamboat. This idea that has been in my head for 27 years has haunted my every thought, I am a romantic. I have fantasized about marriage and family since I was little, and for the first time in my life I am at peace with the idea of her, moreover, I am convinced that it'll happen when it's supposed to. THAT is so NOT something I would think or say, that amazes me that that is where I am.  If I am being completely open and honest with myself and with the world, at my core, the deepest level of who I am, I am completely at peace with myself. I would be completely fine being alone forever, I haven't ever been here before. I am handling all this past baggage well, karmic retribution has hit, and I feel as though I am going backwards in my life's experiences, facing emotionally transmitted diseases that were created from different experiences and I am growing from them and learning the lessons that they have to offer, and doing this fast, preparing me for my next phase of life. My life has a liberating sense of completion.

Just last week some friends played a joke on me and made me think I was going to die in a car accident, I was at peace and excited for it when I thought it was happening.  That recent experience has stayed with me for the past week, to be okay and welcoming death, from a place of abundance and completion as though I have done everything I could, at my personal best. I feel as though I have given my life, my all. There is so much peace in that. I am emotionally in a filled up space, it's a weird place to me, on a daily basis I cry at least twice. Like not sadness or depression or something empathetic. But like an overjoyed feeling of overwhelming gratitude for the love that I feel from my creator for being able to experience this life another few hours, another moment, another day. It's overwhelming. On average twice a day. I just want others to feel this. It's uncanny and hard to explain how it feels. When I get alone and am all by myself, like in the shower, the bath, the bathroom or bedtime, these emotions envelop me. I feel so happy.

I have always felt like I needed someone, a significant other of sorts. It's cool, I'm like that codependent guy that I always shake my head at cause he is always in some relationship, well that used to be me and emotionally still was till this past year. I am ruined in dating nowadays because for me to give up my precious "Kevin Time" she must be pretty special, I haven't yet found a girl that blows me away, the last few girls that were like that weren't it, or I was friend-zoned for one reason or another. I will completely give "The girl" Everything I am, and I will work hard to be the man that she cannot live without and I will treat her the way she truly deserves to be treated. I am looking at the primary relationship with "The Girl" to be a place that I go to give and to enjoy my life with. Well you can see the conundrum, I LOVE MY LIFE, I am full, I can give for days, and I don't really need anything from her. So what I am trying to say is... She better be pretty cool!!!  I feel as though she is coming soon, I always hear things like "When you stop looking, then she finds you." Or, "When you least expect it." and all those other cliche things, I feel like now that I don't want it and I am totally beyond good with myself and with God, that it'll be soon. You'd think I'd be all excited about that... Well for the first time in my life I am not excited about it. I love the phase I am in. Things are moving forward fast. I will never be in this place again and I will enjoy every minute of it. :) I am so happy!!! I remember how I was with dogs, all my boyhood I attempted to convince my parents to allow me to have a dog... I never got one. I grew up to not be a dog person, I question if this is what is happening with me and women. Halli wanted has wanted a puppy since she could talk and it has been a journey to like dogs, I see my dog Lilee want this bunny that she humps, the moment it is available to her she jumps on it, literally, it almost makes me uncomfortable. Once it is there beyond the initial mounting, she isn't interested, the moment I take that bunny away, she chases it. She will do this repeatedly for days on end. She is a female and plays female games, it is her nature.

Girls play games, I don't believe in playing games, but to say that I am not guilty of playing games would make me a liar. Hahaha! I don't even realize I am playing games half the time. I am bad that way! Hahaha! That's what 13 years of getting put in the friend zone will do to you. Unconscious game playing. Which is ironic because the friend zone was created by girls, then you have to play their games to not end up in the friend zone, which brands you as a player, the true way to attract a girl is to not be interested, they can intuitively tell when you aren't interested and they're interested. It's all such a hassle and a headache that it makes dating so unappealing, I hear girls (when confronted with this topic) say all the time "Oh, I don't play games." Um... Sorry honey... Girls play games... Look at the garden of Eden... Girls have been playing games since back in the day, it's their nature. :) Nice guys finish happy, successful, fulfilled, grateful and overjoyed, and there is peace in that. :D

Knowing that "The girl" is not anyone in my life as of today and that there are no possible candidates at this present moment makes me so giddy and relieved. That added mystery and surprise to everything. Now there is this ominous and somewhat impending commitment looming in the future that I see as an excited, love-filled form of inevitability and fate, I am not being a cynic or a pessimist, a misogynist or jaded, don't get me wrong, I am excited for "The chick," I will exceed EVERY expectation she has for an eternal companion, but as for right now, I am good on it and enjoying now. It'll happen when it does. To see how this next phase unravels in this department will be beautiful. It'll be so cool looking back on this phase :) This is exciting!

As for the other parts of life, I am pushing through school and I have a precise plan in place and my bases covered and I am working voraciously towards those goals. I will be moving into a new house, significantly increasing income, making a career change, taking my business up to a higher rank and level, investing into a couple different things, finishing school, simplifying my life, overhead and liabilities, reading more books, listening to more audios, and improving at all the important things. This next phase has begun... "The Chick" looms in the horizon with a question mark... I will hope, wish, and pray for her to come sometime in 2016 but I feel as though I am not THAT lucky.

Who am I!?!?! Where did my friend Kevin go?! Hahaha! He's in the bath, or playing guitar or freestyling :)